reflections on my baby turning 4...

I will never forget the day I found out I was pregnant. Our reproductive specialists told us we'd have a 1% chance of conceiving a baby naturally. After years of trying to get pregnant, then having the twins through IVF, we never could imagine getting pregnant for free outside of the reproductive clinic! We toted our 9 month old twins (who happened to look like 6 month old twins due to their prematurity) to the drug store to buy a test and happened to run into parents of 3 year old twins and found ourselves asking, does this get any easier? We hid the test behind our backs as they laughed/cried and said no.

Brooks thought I was joking when I came out of the bathroom and said we were, but then he hugged me and felt my heart racing and knew this was no joke. We hugged each other in stunned silence for a few moments. One of the first things out of his mouth was, we have to buy a new car. Smiles, laughter, excitement, shock, amazement, wonder.

We kept this little miracle and secret to ourselves except for some great friends, the Poulsens, who let us nurture their 3 kids during our years of infertility, and my amazing friend, Amberly, who visited me daily and saw me throwing up. We told our family during the twins 1st birthday party. I was 3 months pregnant. They screamed so loud the babies cried and cried.

 

At 24 weeks I was put on bed rest because of early contractions. I was terrified this baby would come early and we would have to live through that again, but with twin babies at home. I remember laying in bed reading to my little twins and willing the baby to stay inside me. I layed on the floor and spoon fed yogurt to my always hungry babies. I remember crying as I wiped up the messes under 2 high chairs, sad because I couldn't chase my twins around and play, exhausted from caring for them and the one inside of me. When they would sleep, I would sleep. I was off bed rest at 32 weeks and then just on take it easy orders. The last month of my pregnancy was the best part of the whole 9 months. I knew I'd deliver at term and I appreciated that I was still pregnant so much. I loved my huge belly and felt cute up until the day I delivered (crazy picture with my babies one week before Jonah is born).

 

The day my baby was born, a magnificent day. It's up there with the 2 best days of my life, marrying Brooks as the other. Meeting our new boy, having him come out healthy, pink, 8 pounds!, crying, getting to hold him to my chest, it was a miracle to us. After our difficult experience with the twins being born at 28 1/2 weeks, 2 1/2 pounds, getting whisked away without a glimpse of them, not holding them, surgeries, illness, worry, Jonah came from heaven with healing in his wings. This amazing baby bandaged that experience for me that was still so fresh and real.

He was perfect and beautiful, he smelled like sweetness for months, rarely even needing a bath because he smelled so good. I think he was sent so perfect and easy because he had to be. Three babies in 19 months, I don't recommend it. I know they were all my miracle babies and it was meant to be this way for us. But don't do it to yourself on purpose, I'll leave it at that.

 

 

I guess at 16 months I was ready for a fresh challenge because that's when my perfect baby became difficult and his alter personality crept in. He is adorable and sweet when he wants to be, but man is he difficult sometimes. When he was 2 1/2, Zoe, then 4, asked me thru tears if we could give Jonah to Heather (my next door neighbor) and just visit him sometimes. I identified with her question. But he melts my heart anyway. He is cute, handsome, smart, imaginative, creative, funny, silly, athletic. My favorite times with him are when the twins are at school and we play or work together. When I'm busy around the house he plays near me with his "guys" and his active imagination and I get the privilege of listening to his scenarios and all his little boy action sounds that I have no idea how to make. I love to see him play for hours with his "best buddy" Eli and feel so happy they have each other. He and Zoe last only a few minutes without an eruption, but he adores her and eats up all the sweet attention she can give him. I love to see the pride in Brooks' eyes when he watches Jonah and the endless patience he has with him. He needed to come to our family. He was meant to come when he did. I am so blessed to be his mother.
I love you baby Jonah (even though you don't want me to call you this b/c you "growed up!") and wish you a happy birthday.